The Crocker Chronicles
by Dave Johnson -Dav Strife
Summary: Mr Crocker as we have never seen him before... Actually, Mr Crocker as we have always seen him. Scheming and plotting world domination with the aid of fairies... Timmy Turner is his target and humour is mine... R and R if you like it!
1. Dial F For Fairies

**Authors Notes: I'm curious as to whether I can write FoP stuff well. So leave me a review and tell me if I should continue this! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing what so ever to do with his quality program…**

**Fairly Odd Parents- The Crocker Chronicles**

Chapter 1- Dial 'F' for Fairies

Today is a just yet another normal day for Denzil Crocker. Get up, obsess about fairies, go to work, obsess about fairies, torment young minds, obsess about fairies, return home, ignore his mother's constant requests for dress modeling and sleep. Mr. Crocker however, plans for today to be much different to every other day. In fact he is certain today he will prove the existence of fairies with his diabolical plan. So really, a normal average day for him them…

"Turner!" Crocker yelled to the small pink hat wearing 10 year old sat in the second row. "Considering it is Monday morning I suspect you won't want me to set a super hard pop quiz now eh Turner?"

"Umm… no…"

"Tough! In fact, let's do it right now!" Mr. Crocker scooped a large pile of test papers from off his desk and ran down the row of desks dropping a wad of papers on each poor child's desk. "Now class this test will decide whether you have… FAIRY GOD PARENTS!!" As he shouted his life's obsession he flipped backwards and landed on his head which he then drove through a piece of wood that was at the side of his desk. He then returned to his feet quickly to stand in front of the class who as usual were dumbstruck. "I...mean… it has no significance what so ever! But there is a prize for whoever gets top marks!"

The class cheered as Crocker grinned and glanced out of the corner of his eye at Timmy who was leaning back in his chair un-phased by the promise of a reward. _That's right turner, take no notice of me but when you least suspect it I will steal your Fairies!_ The class had finished cheering and was now watching Crocker who was grinning evilly and drumming his fingers together while staring into space as he so often did.

Chester raised his hand gingerly to ask a question and this alone snapped Crocker out of his stupor. "You Boy! With the braces that could chomp through wood! What do you want?"

"What's the prize, no homework for a week? Your retirement?" Chester asked hopefully.

"Wrong! F!!" Crocker pressed a button on his desk and a trap door appeared above Chester's head. A flurry of F covered papers fell through the door and landed straight on top of the boy. As Chester groaned from underneath the papers Crocker laughed slightly and then glared at the rest of the class.

"Any more questions?" The class stayed deafly quiet. "Excellent! Now you have one hour to complete the pop quiz! NOW BEGIN!" The class of ten year olds instantly picked up their pencils and scribbled on the papers in front of them. Everyone that is except Timmy Turner who was now sat bolt upright and looking very nervous. He rested his head on his desk to come level with two erasers, one pink and one green.

"What's wrong sport?" The pink eraser whispered to Timmy.

"It's Crocker and this test! It's impossible to do; the questions are ones we never studied for!"

"Well, all you can do it try your best honey!" The pink eraser Wanda offered kindly.

"Or you could live your days as a road sweeper!" Cosmo added which earned him a slap on the head from Wanda.

Suddenly a shadow descended upon them and a figure came into view. Crocker stood above Timmy eyeing him suspiciously. Timmy threw his arms over the erasers which caused them both to grunt in pain.

"Hmm… so Turner, you are talking to your pink and green erasers… that can only mean one thing… those erasers are your Fairy God Parents!"

"No… they are just my totally ordinary and completely normal pink and green erasers that I talk to for luck!…" Timmy explained quickly trying to cover his tracks.

"A clever ploy Turner, I'm watching you!"

Crocker returned to his desk and glared at Timmy who quite understandably was nervous. This went on for forty five minutes until the school bell rang signaling lunch.

"Drat!" Crocker exclaimed loudly as the crowd cheered and rushed from the room, leaving their discarded pop quizzes on their desks. "You will all finish the test after lunch!" Crocker yelled at the retreating kids.

After the kids had left Crocker looked around with shifty eyes and walked over to the classroom window where he saw Timmy, Chester and AJ sitting under a tree eating their lunches. Silently he pulled the chord for the blinds and the classroom became enveloped in darkness. After locking the door Crocker sat down at his desk and flipped the top off a stone Crocker head and hit the read button that lay underneath. A trap door underneath his chair opened and he plummeted through it to the darkness below.

"To the Crocker Cave!" He yelled as he fell.

The 'Crocker Cave' lay underneath Dimmsdale Elementary School and spanned the length of the school just like an underground shelter. Crocker had several entrances to his den of deviousness but the one he used was his favorite, but no one knows why…

A hole in the ceiling opened up and a chair complete with crazy teacher descended and smacked into the floor, missing a mattress laid there for just such an occasion by millimeters. Shaking his head after landing on it Denzil moved the mattress to where he thought he would land next. He executed several back flips and came to stop near a large computer terminal where a large screen was focused on Timmy and his friends.

"Laugh while you can children, because I, Mr. Crocker! Will prove the existence of Fairy Godparents and become supreme overlord of the world! Ahah hah heh heh heh... FAIRIES!"

Still laughing maniacally Mr. Crocker pushed a few buttons and a target appeared on the screen in line with Timmy's head.

"10 SECONDS UNTIL CROCKER CANNON OF FAILURE FIRES… TARGET AQUIRED, SUBJECT… TIMMY TURNER" The computer announced which caused Crocker to do a crazy dance in delight.

"Feel the power of the ultimate failure, OBLIVION!"

"9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1"

**Meanwhile…**

"Crash Nebula!" AJ argued to his friends.

"Crimson Chin!" Timmy countered.

Silence fell and both friends looked at Chester to cast the winning vote but he started to sweat.

"Erm… eh… THE ADVENTURES THE MAID MARIAN!"

Silence once again, but Timmy was the first to break the silence.

"Like Robin Hood?"

"No, the house maid, she cleans away the filth of villainy with her Mop of Justice!" Chester shouted as if he was proud of his choice. However his friends dropped to the floor in stitches while Chester grinned sheepishly at humiliating himself.

**Back in the Crocker Cave…**

"OH NO, Turner has moved!" The target view screen now showed Chester and his large braces.

"…1… FIRING FAILURE RAY!"

"Curse you Timmy Turner!"

**Outside…**

A small blue bird was perched on a tree opposite where Timmy and AJ where still laughing uncontrollably at Chester. The bird looked normal enough except for two eyes that were blinking with a red light. The bird opened its beak and a red hot failure beam shot straight for where Timmy was supposed to be standing. It struck Chester's braces, bounced off and blew the bird to pieces. Chester did not even realize…

**Crocker Cave…**

The machine Crocker was stood in front of began to crackle and sparks flew in all directions.

"SYSTEM MALFUCTION, SELF DESTRUCT INITIATATED…"

"Oh poopy" Crocker commented quietly

The resulting explosion sent Crocker flying up into the air, through the floor and through his desk, well, his head at least. Just after he 'headed' back for his classroom, the door swung open and Principle Waxoplax walked in followed by the students he had locked out.

"Crazy man… locking his students out…" She muttered

"I'm right here!" Crocker yelled but the Principle didn't hear or see him. She sat on his desk seeing as his chair had disappeared and as she did Crocker's head was directly underneath her huge bottom…

Only a muffled scream could be heard as the Principle started Crocker's class…


	2. Fairy Days

**Authors Notes: I forgot about this fic for a while, but here is a second well overdue and short chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing what so ever to do with his quality program…**

**Fairly Odd Parents- The Crocker Chronicles**

Chapter 2- Fairy Days

"Now stand still Denzel" Dolores Crocker cooed to her son as she tightened a strap on a particularly ugly black silk dress.

"Mother!" Mr. Crocker yelled in frustration. "Why must I model your dresses? I am a grown man with a respectable job!"

"Nonsense Denzel! You need to help your mother because you are a good boy".

The fifth grade teacher fidgeted as the dress became ever tighter. He was stood in his rundown room atop an over turned wooden crate. His mother reached upto no more than his knee in height while he was stood on the box. She had pins in her mouth and her hands were busy constantly fiddling with the dress. A knock from down stairs attracted the attention of Dolores who bustled over to the door with the pins still in her mouth.

"Now Denzel" She began. "Don't you go anywhere…"

"Gah!" Mr Crocker dived off of the box and landed on the floor with a thud. Several sharp and pointy pins flew past where he was stood and stuck into the wall behind. His mother merely shrugged and left the room with the intent of answering the door.

"Enough of this!" Crocker yelled as he stood up again. "I should be using my genius to prove that fairies exist, not wearing dresses!" With a huff he moved over to the window and peered down to the doorway below. A boy wearing a pink hat was chatting to his mother. The boy also wore a pink crash helmet and had a green skateboard in his hands.

"Turner!" Crocker exclaimed loudly in excitement. "That green recreational vehicle and pink head safety device Turner holds can only be his… FAIRY GOD PARENTS!"

Crocker executed a perfect back flip in the air and landed on his head. The tightly fitting dress seemed to explode off of his body. Small pieces of fabric rained down all over the room as a partially naked Crocker bounced on his head and fell straight out of the window. Timmy Turner had already left the rundown garden and was disappearing from view round a corner. Denzel landed in a thorny bush next to the doorway. As he yelled in pain, another cry of anguish sounded from the open window of his bedroom.

"My dress! Denzel! How could you!"

The teacher mumbled under his breath, something that sounded like an umbrella and a wasps nest.

**At school the next day…**

"Now class" Crocker began. "I have taken the liberty of giving you all 'F's in anticipation of your pathetic attempt of being intelligent… all apart from AJ who as usual will get an A!"

The class in front of him groaned in unison, except for AJ. He was sporting a cocky smile much to the annoyance of the rest of the class. Crocker pulled on a chord that was dangling from the ceiling. A blank white screen slid down into place. An old projector at the back of the class began to whir and sound nosily. It projected a 3… 2… 1 on the blank canvas.

"Now you will watch this mind numbing documentary all the way through and then write an essay on how I am an excellent teacher!" Crocker announced with a manic grin.

As he flipped the light switch the class groaned again. Within minutes most of the class were asleep with their heads lolling on the table. Timmy Turner was one of those students. Crocker stood next to the projector watching the boy for any signs of magic. _Yes Turner! Begin to get bored and why don't you wish your Fairy God Parents could get you away from here with some sort of cunning magical plan? And when you do I will finally have proof that you have fairies!! This projector does more than help me break the wills of children everywhere… but it is also a recording machine that will film any and all magical activity!_ Crocker started to laugh manically but the class were too groggy to notice.

As time progressed the class grew ever wearier. Crocker however was constantly on the alert for anything magical. Timmy had his head buried in his hands where his oddly coloured erasers were also located.

"Cheer up Timmy!" The green eraser chirped.

"How can I? I'm bored out of my skull!" Timmy said a little too loudly.

"There's not long now sport" Wanda said quietly. "Just wait a little longer and it will be lunch time"

"How about it is home time? Like now?" Timmy asked as he raised his head. He had a grin on his face.

"I wish…"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Crocker exclaimed under his breath.

As Timmy began to utter his wish to his Fairy God Erasers one of his back-up friends, Sanjay decided to speak up.

"This boring-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing" He yelled. Several meows were heard and cats jumped through the window. They all gathered around Sanjay's chair and rubbed up against him. "Oh, not again" He cried which prompted the cats to purr and meow louder.

In surprise Timmy ended with wish with "I wish… that Crocker's lesson was… attracting cats?!?"

Cosmo and Wanda looked at each other a little uncertainly but never the less raised their wands and they both glowed yellow. A puff of smoke later and the classroom began to shake. The kids left the classroom in a panicked yell, a happy Timmy Turner among them.

A furry swarm of angry moggies poured through the door and windows of the classroom. Their target, Mr Crocker…

"Oh poopy" was all he could muster as the sea of fur consumed him and began to scratch every part of him. "Not the face, gah!"


End file.
